my physics tutor is an alien.

on how photons gain energy:
"it is just like frogs. you imagine a frog in a well. it needs 5 bottles of chicken essence to jump out of the well. so if you feed it 1 bottle, no cannot, it will just urinate out then cannot. (proceeds to draw puddle of what i assume to be urine on whiteboard) if you feed 2, or 3, or 4, also cannot, you need 5. only if you give it 5 then it will have enough energy to jump out of the well."

on the absence of electric fields inside a conductor:
"if you sit inside a car you will be safe. because the car is metal, it is a conductor. unless somebody wants to sabo you, poke you from the ground. like for example, a ninja suddenly pop out from below and touches you with a knife. then you are gone. but it's okay lah, i don't think anyone will pop out from below, anyway you can always close your windows then the ninjas won't come in." oh, fabulous advice.

on mathematical incompetence:
"maybe you should go to japan. you can look for the manufacturers of calculators, you know, casio or dunno who, maybe they have courses to train you on how to use your calculator."

on well, i don't know what:
"ok this question is hard so i won't chop off your head with the metal ruler, i will just carry a....ball.(crushes paper to make paper balls)"


he adorns the classroom with photographs of calculators, and caricatures of confused faces. the classroom in question is a master bedroom of a rented (i hope!) 3 room flat.

i haven't met anyone this funny in a long time.

in other news, today marks the 30th day i haven't touched tabako. my adventures with tabako end thus. it's not half as hard to quit as they all make it to be, so sucks to be you, losers. i can be cocky because no one ever found out about my tabako.

i am telling no one what/who tabako is.